I blame my recent lack of posting on St Therese. At the beginning of the month I wrote that I said a novena to her however because I had so much to think about I said for my intention all that is on my heart. Its funny how the heart can hide things even from the person in whose chest it beats. As some readers might recall I have said she seems to have taken an interest in me for the past couple of years trying to get my attention for some reason. After the novena this getting my attention only seemed to increase as I couldnt escape her quotes, her photo, her statue and each time it was like she was staring right at me and saying “follow me, follow me to Christ.” So naturally my first reaction was something like aaaah, go away, leave me alone, but she didnt 
So I gave in and said what, what do you want? Now it is only because my family & friends dont know about this blog that I can say what it seems she wants from me. Something I never expected and that is to follow her literally. To think about becoming a Carmelite nun. (o_O) To give up everything in reparation for sins and for the conversion of sinners. That is why I havent posted lately because Ive spent my free time looking into this.
Updated to add
Well I talked to a priest today for some guidance (three weeks after this started) and that helped a lot. It was definitely a conversation I never thought Id have. No verdict yet just to keep praying and wanting to do God`s will not my own, which is hard for me but he said there would be graces if its meant to be. Ask Mary for her intercession etc. I was kind of hoping he would say Im nuts and to completely forget it because if he did then I could take the easy selfish way out but that didnt happen. 
The priest asked me what sort of ministry I felt attracted to such as teaching and I said that for the past year or more I felt drawn to offer prayers and sufferings for the reparation of sins and the conversion of sinners. I had no idea until just recently that the Carmelites are one of the orders that focus on that. Eek.
I emailed a couple of communities with some questions I had and will see what they say. I knew very little about religious communities, their lifestyles, and formation until just a couple of weeks ago.
Wow, what news!
First of all, I have to apologise and admit that I always assumed you were a man. Sorry!
Secondly, deepest congratulations on this exploration. As a fellow “ex-pat in Japan” (sort of) who has just himself settled on his vocation to the Dominican Order, I pray that you can find the home our Lord has prepared for you in this world, as well as the peace and joy that finding it brings. You are in my prayers!
Actually, I always assumed that you were male, too.
This is great news! You’ll certainly be in my prayers as well!
Oh, good for you!!
Say, I am going up to T-town and will need to find a church for next Sunday. What are the Mass times for St. Ignatius? Do you want to coordinate schedules? Drop me a line if you can….
JT
We have had 2 nannies go thru this process in the past several years, and from my observations, they “knew” and felt at home when they visited the community they were meant for – out of several exploratory visits. Congratulations and prayers for you! Very exciting.
JT’s mom
May God bless you in your search. I, too, must join the others and say I thought you were a man, I hope that doesn’t offend you.
I have always felt drawn to the spirituality of Carmel with St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila being my favorites. Whatever, God’s will be for you, God bless!
Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes.
I dont mind that people thought I was a guy as I was, for privacy`s sake, being maybe a bit too cautious with details about myself. If I was a guy it would certainly make choosing a Carmel easier because in the U.S there is only one contemplative group of monks.
http://www.carmelitemonks.org/
however there are a lot of women`s communities to choose from but if this is God`s will for me He will help me figure it out.
Well, vee8, it sounds like a very important time in your life! The nice thing is, I think, if you’re sincere about it and don’t try to ramrod anything through in either direction, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to.
Some time ago, my sister joined a monastic community as a novice after thinking (over-thinking) about it for a long time. I think she thought that that was at or near the end of the discernment process, when in reality she learned by experience what she already knew in theory: that the novitiate is another (and very important) part of that process. What she learned during that time is that, in her case, her calling lay elsewhere; so she returned to home. At first she was kind of discouraged about it, maybe because she felt she’d somehow failed or not measured up or whatever. But of course that’s not the case, and her path became clear when she started thinking in new directions. (She went on to meet the man who became her husband, and they now have a beautiful, young daughter.)
Of course, lots of people are called to monastic life, and you’d make a fine candidate, so don’t get me wrong.
All I’m trying to say is, take advantage of all the resources the Church offers, at the proper time. A novitiate is basically the last step of the discernment process, but it’s still a part, and it’s a great tool to use as you walk down this path.
Oh, and for some reason, I was so convinced you were a woman that I would have assumed it was posted in some prominent place on your blog. Don’t know why!
Jasmine I sent a mail to your gmail account. Hi to your Mom! Two nannies have gone through this lol dont tell any of the new ones!
DBP the priest told me basically the same thing to be calm, pray, and try not to force anything, and St Ignatius says the same thing in the article below so you are in great company with your advice. Advice which Im trying to do although Im so used to doing my own will its hard sometimes to let go. Your sister`s story reminds me of St Therese`s parents who were refused entrance into the religious life, her Dad because he didnt know Latin, and look how their kids turned out
I know what you mean though. This article Ive found very helpful and maybe it will help others too
http://www.lafayettecarmelites.org/god_calling.php
The article was written by a Jesuit and the priest I am talking with is an elderly Jesuit who used to be a vocations director years ago, so Im going to prepare for our next meeting by dong the exercises mentioned in the article.
Hello from Spain:
I have followed your blog for a long time… I have a lot of interest in Japan…my best friend is a Japanese lady living near Tokyo. Your blog is another window through I can learn things about Japan from a religious point of view…
First of all, just to tell you that you are in good hands with that Jesuit….I really appreciate them….(in fact one of my best friends is a Jesuit teacher in the Gregorian University (Roma))..using the words of Tiziano Terzani, they are great intellectuals who try to understand the world…..
Just few days ago, my Japanese friend have lost her baby in her third month pregnancy. It has been a terrible experience….the day she knew about the fatal death, she wrote to me: “I envy you a little because if we had a strong belief like you, it might have helped us to get over this situation”.
We have prayed a lot for her and it looks like they are feeling better day by day….But the point is that many people are defenceless because they are lack of “spirituality” or “faith”.
“Faith” will not prevent us from the illness or sufferings like the rest of non-believers have, but it will help us to face those hard situations with hope and strength.
I do not know which will be the final result of your discernment, maybe now it is not the most important thing, but, just the fact you are in the process, helps the world to be a little better because it reminds the “material world” that there is an “spiritual world”.
Best regards,
Ángel
The Carmelite nuns of Los Angeles have a blog http://www.beautyofcarmel.org/blog.html which might help your discernment in choosing which orders.
There are many other order of nuns have blogs as well as individual Sisters too, its getting late but if you like I will post more later of these mentioned blogs
prayers and blessings on your discernment journey!
Hello Angel and thank you for your comment! The priest Im getting guidance from is also Spanish
I do not know which will be the final result of your discernment, maybe now it is not the most important thing, but, just the fact you are in the process, helps the world to be a little better because it reminds the “material world” that there is an “spiritual world”.
You know that is very similar to something the priest said to me, and I hadnt thought of things that way before but now that I do it is very humbling. My sympathies for your friend I will say a prayer for her.